I HAVE BEEN A STAY-AT-HOME MOM FOR 9 YEARS, BUT TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST, I WAS NEVER THE GIRL THAT WANTED TO DO THIS.
I very much wanted a family, but I really always saw myself as a working mom. I even rolled my eyes a little at college friends who would be studying their bums off for finals, knowing that their ultimate goal was just to raise babies. I’ll fast-forward through the details and the heart change that led us to the decision for me to leave my job, but it was not an easy one. I cried because I missed my co-workers and the routine of the day and all of the many things that I loved about my job. I dreaded feeling lonely and I wasn’t sure that sitting at home with a baby that couldn’t talk to me was really how I wanted to spend my days.
A series of things made us feel like it was the best thing for our family at the time, even though I didn’t know how many more kids I would have or how long this season would last. I still don’t know how long it will last. For more of these years than not, I have struggled to find excitement and joy in this role. I haven’t struggled with whether or not it was the best decision for our family, but I have struggled greatly to find purpose and significance in work that can be pretty thankless.
I HAVE STRUGGLED GREATLY TO FIND PURPOSE AND SIGNIFICANCE IN WORK THAT CAN BE PRETTY THANKLESS.
I never thought of myself as a person that was in need of praise or recognition until I started doing something that didn’t have a report card every semester or a review once a year where I could see the areas where I was excelling. As a mom, I don’t lay my head on the pillow at night and think, “Dang, I really rocked it out today. That was awesome how I met all of my kids needs with patience and grace. I’m really great at my job.” Despite my many conversations with my husband over this struggle, he has yet to implement an annual review where he tells me how wonderful I am at being a mom and lists out all of the things I’m doing well so that I can see them on paper.
I have working friends who want nothing more than to be a stay-at-home mom, and I have working friends who love their work and love their kids and love that they can do both. I have stay-at-home mom friends who are doing exactly what they always hoped to do, and I have stay-at-home mom friends who are making a big sacrifice for a short season. And I know that there are many “in between” categories other than the ones I mentioned. I think that regardless of the work situation, as women and mothers it’s a very natural struggle to wonder if you are doing enough.