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In September of 2009 I had the biggest squishiest baby boy you've ever seen. He came after a little bit of struggle to conceive and a miscarriage and was the answer to a prayer and our heart's desire. Just under four months later, our two year-old was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Two weeks after her surgery we closed on our house (actually, we didn't make the closing - we signed over power of attorney to our brother-in-law and he went to the closing for us). The next month Josh proposed his dissertation topic to a board and spent the following four months writing non-stop. So we were unpacking, managing meds and steroid rage with Adri, not sleeping at all with the baby, and working on a dissertation (and I include myself in that dadgum thing because I read and edited it for painful amounts of hours). In June, Josh defended his dissertation.
We could breathe, finally.
Until SURPRISE! I was pregnant.
Cooper was 10 months old. I had not slept in longer than that. We weren't completely settled in our house because of those other things. And it was an "umm, are you sure I was there for that?!" kind of moment.
I will never forget telling Josh. He knew I was taking a test but assumed it was precautionary. I was nursing, we'd had a wee bit of stress, and my cycles weren't normal at that point anyway. When it came up as positive I ran upstairs. There was no "guess what honey" to it. I literally said "holy CRAP it's positive." We spent about an hour saying "NO way. No way. No way. Nooooo way." It had taken a year to get pregnant with Cooper. How could this be?!
The shock wore off eventually. Like waaaaaay later. When we told people they were mostly like "wait, huh?" The news of a new baby coincided with a major MRI for Adri where we would be determining if we needed to watch and wait, do more surgery, or start chemo. Me being knocked up again wasn't what anyone was expecting to hear.
By the one year anniversary of Adri's surgery and our move, I was 7 months pregnant with my third child. Right around that time, we were snowed in and out of school for a week and I was very reflective on how much stress and change we had experienced that year. I remember shoveling our driveway (very pregnant, not smart) and just thinking how thankful I was for this baby that would be this bright shining spot, this great surprise to come out of great stress.
We didn't find out the gender since we had one of each. So on the afternoon of March 25, we welcomed another baby boy... our tiny 8-pound Emory Jones (8lbs felt like a preemie 18 months after I'd had a 10 pounder).
Emory is my maternal grandmother's maiden name. Jones is my paternal grandmother's maiden name. These are two amazing and strong women whose names I'm glad to carry on through my son.
With my firstborn, I was very much like a first time parent. I freaked over everything, wanted her to make every milestone, worried about every thing and spent much of her first 18 months with a lot of anxiety. I didn't begin that way with the second but it was only a few months into his life that our world was flipped upside down. I wasn't anxious or concerned about milestones in the same way but I had so many other distractions and circumstances caused me to spend a lot more time away from him during his first 9 months than I would have liked.
By time Emory came I understood - I mean I really understood - the gift of life. I understood how fleeting the days are and how useless it is to allow anxiety to get in the way of enjoying life's little moments. I soaked it all up. I didn't do a great job documenting it and there aren't nearly as many baby pictures around, but I enjoyed it. I took it all in.
If you are a mama with a boy then you understand the way they tug on your heart. I am one of three girls and had no idea what to do with a boy so having two within 18 months seemed so scary, but it has been such a joy to watch these brothers grow up. I love love love being a boy mama.
Emory knows his role as the baby and he works it. Earlier this week he choked on a blackberry and it really scared him (scared me too!). As he was sobbing and I was holding him tight he said "I think a treat might help." Obviously I got him a treat. You know you would have too.
I was so sad when Cooper started school in the fall because the boys had never been apart but I have absolutely soaked up and enjoyed the alone time with the baby.
Last week at breakfast he said to the others "raise your hand if we have the beautifulest mommy." He builds me up - many times its in a manipulative what-can-I-get-from-it kind of way but I don't even care. He gets away with it because of the eyes and the cute dimple on the left side of his sweet little face.
I love this boy so very much. He is so funny and the life of the party. He has the cutest "mean ugly face" when you call him beautiful and he still loves to snuggle. He drags his blue blanket all over the house and loves his siblings so so much. We could not be more thankful for him and the joy he brings us.
Happy 4th Birthday Emory. We love you baby boy!
(Look, I tried finding one cute picture but instead I found 700. Sorry I'm not sorry.)
